anxiety – Worried Sapling

Exercise & Nutrition | How to Manage Darker Days

February 12, 2018March 25, 2018 by Cal, posted in anxiety

This is part two of a series on how I manage my anxiety. Read the introductory post and see the rest of the posts here

I’ve had a love-hate relationship with my body for as long as I can remember. And it’s rarely been about health.

It’s been more about how my thumb traces a why-so-high number across measuring tape that encircles my waist. More about how I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that extra handful of chips (okay, extra seven handfuls…), but I was stressed–okay?–and it made sense to numb the mind. Besides, I would make up for it by an isolated sweat session (no pre-work, no follow up), because that’s how I’d become the number, percentage, waist-to-hip ratio I always wanted.

That was my idea of health. Unhealthy, I know. Continue reading “Exercise & Nutrition | How to Manage Darker Days” →

Counseling | How to Manage Darker Days

January 26, 2018March 25, 2018 by Cal, posted in anxiety

This is part one of a series on how I manage my anxiety. Read the introductory post here

I remember his office. He had a beautiful wooden shelf covering the left wall and a sunken couch with pillows to hide behind. Every visit, he asked me to grade my relationships with my four parents. He was kind and asked the right amount of questions.

If I think harder, I can remember even earlier, at the age of 7, speaking to a woman in a playroom. I remember the color yellow. I can’t recall her voice, but I remember answering questions while playing with plastic toys. Continue reading “Counseling | How to Manage Darker Days” →

How to Manage Darker Days

January 18, 2018March 25, 2018 by Cal, posted in anxiety, relationships

A question I’m often asked: “Do you have anxiety like every day?”

Yes and no.

Yes, I have anxiety every day, because, well…I have anxiety. Every day. It doesn’t go away, really, any more than asthma goes away day-to-day. There are things that bring it up some days that don’t even happen on others. Continue reading “How to Manage Darker Days” →

Why You Should Keep Trying Even When You Already Failed II

January 12, 2018March 25, 2018 by Cal, posted in anxiety, devotional

Read Part I first here

Last week I shared how I’ve been feeling like a failure of a writer. This is the conclusion of the three truths I want to be engrained in my mind. Continue reading “Why You Should Keep Trying Even When You Already Failed II” →

Why You Should Keep Trying Even When You Already Failed I

January 5, 2018March 25, 2018 by Cal, posted in anxiety, devotional

Can I skip the whole start-with-a-great-sentence-thing and just tell you what’s on my mind?

I feel like I’ve failed at writing.

(sigh)

I started this blog, bursting at the seams with ideas and creativity and longing for articulated lessons and ideas to bless others. But now, not even 10 months later, weeks go by where the only connection I have with this space is the peripheral guilt of oh yeah, I need to do that, too.. Continue reading “Why You Should Keep Trying Even When You Already Failed I” →

Why Teaching Helps My Anxiety II

November 10, 2017March 25, 2018 by Cal, posted in anxiety, teaching

Click here to read part I

Weekends are the hardest.

Paradoxical, this teaching. Monday to Friday is a blur of preparations, gone before dark, back with the sinking sun, washed dished, and (mostly) dreamless sleep. On Fridays, two of my English scholars have the same prayer request during worship: that the weekend goes by slowly.

And it does. Painfully slowly. Continue reading “Why Teaching Helps My Anxiety II” →

Why Teaching Helps My Anxiety I

October 31, 2017March 25, 2018 by Cal, posted in anxiety, teaching

I wish everyday ended like today.

It’s Week of Prayer, and I’m high on words of affirmation. You see, I’ve been taking some days off to finish my Master’s observations at a nearby high school (it’s a long story…sigh), therefore preventing me from relishing in my classroom as much as I’d like. Today was one of the few that I could stand for hours that race past.

“She’s back! You guys, she’s back!”

Their joy is palpable. Their smiles, sincere. My heart, bursting with gratitude. Continue reading “Why Teaching Helps My Anxiety I” →

Exceptional Loneliness

July 13, 2017March 25, 2018 by Cal, posted in anxiety, devotional, relationships

For the last four years, my education has been online. Taking online college courses has allowed me to accelerate completion, spend months abroad for service, and schedule work without issue. I learn through reading and writing, and that’s what online education is. It works remarkably well for me.

However, there is one major drawback. Continue reading “Exceptional Loneliness” →

Lately: Running Thoughts

May 23, 2017March 25, 2018 by Cal, posted in anxiety

I feel the need to just write. This used to be easy to do on my unintentionally hidden, free, WordPress blog. But now, I feel the need to write a certain way on here: to come to prescribed solutions through templated means. I know who my subscribers are, and what will they think of this? Shouldn’t I wait until everything is tripled-edited and I have the best (free) photos generous internet people can provide? Continue reading “Lately: Running Thoughts” →