Yesterday was a really bad day. It might have been a combination of different factors (little sleep, lots of projects), but even the culmination of everything I can think of doesn’t usually hit me so hard. Such is the mystery of anxiety I suppose.
Through the gritted teeth and scattered tears, I still prayed. I went through a few different things on my mind including David’s immigration process. I’ve learned to pray specific prayers and I have repeatedly asked for a humanly-impossible deadline for things to come together. Only two weeks ago, we submitted paperwork which is estimated to take 3-5 months to process. But still, I reminded God (well, myself) that He’s parted seas and caused the sun to go backwards. He’s obviously not intimidated by the US government’s way of processing paperwork.
David told me the news this morning. He’d received the email that all has been approved and we’re going towards the final step. What was supposed to take 3-5 months took less than one, when just a little while ago another step that was supposed to take 7-12 months took two. I am here for it.
As I thanked God for His wonderful works this morning, He reminded me of how terrible I felt yesterday. Now, with this news, I feel a lot better. But what I’m more thankful for, even more than feeling better, is that I prayed even when I wasn’t feeling good yesterday. That’s one of my most difficult spiritual habits. To pray when everything in my emotional consciousness revolts. When all I want to do is run away, avoid, not think, not commune, not surrender, not ask, not pray. To pray in those times. Not because God loves me more when I do. But because God still hears me when I do, even when my emotions scream otherwise.
I’m starting a new small-ish prayer habit today. I’ll share what it is after a week or two of experience with it. But it’s putting into practice a lesson learned from what I shared above. Prayer still moves mountains even when I’m having a hard time. Prayer is not effective only when I’m overcome with rapture and joy and inspiration. God hears every sincere prayer, no matter the emotional backing. With David, we can sing the heights of the praises in Psalms, as well as cry the depths of their heartache.
God hears every prayer. Don’t wait to feel like it. Pray with what you have, even in the moment that your eyes trace these words. Pray honestly and share your emotions; but don’t let your emotions determine when or if you pray. There is a rich blessing in praying in all shades of the emotions that we experience.